My Good Humor Page - A Message from the Louisiana Tourism Council

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians enter Louisiana, our Tourism Council has adopted a new policy.  In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the State.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.  Yeah, we saw Bambi, but, we got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead cat fish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 3-inch trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach to our decoys, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only $2.50 a drink. We can buy a fifth at the liquor store for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.  Yeah, in restaurants you get sweet tea by default. It comes in a glass with a slice of lemon and a long spoon. If you don't want sweet tea, say you want "unsweet tea".

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car.  We're real impressed.  We have quarter of a million dollar combine that we use four weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, alligator, frogs and carp too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 20 goes two ways--So do Interstates 10 and 55. Interstate 49 goes catty corner. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer and squirrel season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and gators.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit to Louisiana.......... Cheers

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