Good Humor Page -
why it's great to be a guy!
- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
- Your orgasms are real. Always.
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Foreplay is optional.
- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
- The world is your urinal.
- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
- Same work... more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
- Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
- If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
- Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
- Your pals
can be trusted never to trap you with:
notice anything different?"
- One mood, ALL the damn time.
- And don't forget…Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
- You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
- You can leave the motel bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are "slightly soiled." Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
- You can
quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
be mad at me."
- No maxi-pads.
- You don't mooch off other's desserts.
- You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
- You can
"do" your nails with a pocketknife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
My Good Humor