Chris' Good Humor Page - My Disclaimer

This humor does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cats; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; Don't tell my mom; Copyright by me; all rights reserved; other copyright laws for specific jokes apply where noted; jokes are subject to change without notice; jokes are slightly enlarged to show detail; Rated: PG-13; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or tear; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this offer is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted by law; humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied; user assumes full liabilities; rebroadcast is prohibited without the express written consent of Major League Baseball; Pat. Pend. U.S. Reg. Off.; toll rates may apply;  not liable for damages due to use or misuse; an equal opportunity joke offender; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; quantities are limited; while supplies last only; if defects are found, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized joke service center; caveat emptor; Thou shalt not steal!; read at your own risk; parental advisory -explicit lyrics; text may contain material some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries are not included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; contents may settle during shipment; full net weight guaranteed; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not use if the safety seal is broken; call before you dig; for external use only; if a rash, redness, irritation, or swelling develops, discontinue use; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames and avoid inhaling fumes; avoid contact with mucous membranes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near flammable or magnetic source; insurance regulations prohibit recipients from entering the joke-making area without an escort; smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a good laugh; text used in these jokes is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles; no animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavor added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, if symptoms persist, consult a humorologist; jokes are ribbed for your pleasure; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawal; joke offer valid only at participating E-mail sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; disclaimer does not cover hurricane, lightning, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, flood, and other Acts of God, misuse, neglect, unauthorized repair, damage from improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, incorrect line voltage, missing or altered serial numbers, sonic boom vibrations, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, customer adjustments that are not covered in the joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, leaky roof, broken glass, falling rocks, mud slides, forest fire, flying projectiles, or dropping the item; other restrictions may apply.  if symptoms persist, seek medical attention.

If something offends you, lighten up get a life,...and move on!!!

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