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Chris' Good Humor Page
Female Drivers

I was driving to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder.  This evidently pissed-off the driver to the point that he hung his arm out the window and flipped the woman off. 

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.  I always smile nicely and wave in a kind manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why. 

I drive 38 miles each way every day to work, that's 76 miles.  Of these, 16 each way, is bumper-to-bumper, most of the bumper-to-bumper is on 8 lane highway.  So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.   That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles, which works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars total.

Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.  That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. 

Statistically half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000.  In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period.  That's 642. 

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that's 449. 

According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.  That's 98.   And, 34% describe men as their biggest problem.  That's 33. 

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing. 

This means that every single day, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed. 

No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn't dream of flipping her off.

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