Chris' Good Humor Page - Rules that guys wish women knew.

• Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

• Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you.   Live with it.

• If something we say something that can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

• If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

• Crying is blackmail.  Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.

• Don’t cut your hair.  Ever.

• Birthdays, Valentines and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!

• If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

• Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

• Get rid of your cat.  And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.

• Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.  (Chris' note: I personally disagree with this one.)

• Weekends = (fill in his favorite hobby).  It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.  Let it be.

• If you think you might be fat, you are.  Don’t ask us.  Just get your fat ass in a gym.

• Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.

• Anything you wear is fine.  Really.

• You have enough clothes.

• You have too many shoes.   (Chris' note - just don't ask how many pair of boots I own.)

• Your brother is an idiot; your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

• Ask for what you want.  Subtle hints don’t work.

• No, he doesn’t know what day it is.  He never will.  Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

• Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range.  We’re bound to miss sometimes.

• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

• Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

• Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do.

• Don’t fake it.  We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

• It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.

• Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

• All comments become null and void after 7 days.

• Let us ogle.  If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

• You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.

• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

• Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.

• Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

• Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you.  We need it, just like you do.

• Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.

• The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

• Anyone can buy condoms.

• Check your oil.

• Shopping is not sport.

• Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.

AND FINALLY,

• Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
  

Return to My Good Humor page