Chris' Political Humor Page
The Florida Debacle - Florida Voters Assistance Page

Floridians....   Hello?!?!?!!?!     You can play 10 bingo cards at a time and not miss a number.  You can juggle 53 numbers and pick 6 for the Florida Lotto, as well as select their Pick 3, Fantasy Five, and Mega Ball numbers.  You can read five papers, four scratch sheets, and handicap three horses in the Tri-fecta at the horse race.  You can spot a shanked golf ball in an acre of elephant grass 300 yards away.  You can eyeball a non-resident in a 1,000-unit subdivision at 200 yards.  You can report a scarred manatee at ten fathoms to the Greenpeace hotline.  You can take 37 different colored pills every morning and never mess it up.  But you can't pick one candidate from a simple four-line ballot that was published in the newspaper and mailed to you a week in advance?  What's wrong with you people?

Seriously, this is all done in the name of fun, so please don't take offence.... unless you are one of the dimwits that buggered your ballot and are now out picketing with the sign "Recount my vote because I'm an idiot and mistakenly voted for Buchanan when I meant to vote for Gore."  Next time, engage brain before taking action.  Meanwhile, I've included the following graphics for your study material in the hope that, one day, you may redeem yourself and vote in another election.  Please learn from your mistakes and try not to screw it up again.

Check this out!   A recent study found that three out of four elementary kids can read and understand the instructions on how to vote.  And, adults in Florida can't?  Go figure!

Seriously, I don't hold Floridians responsible for the fiasco in their state.  It's fricking Al Gore's team of attorneys, including that good-for-nothing Harvard law professor and OJ Simpson defense attorney Alan Dershowitz, along with the always amusing and laughable Mr. Rainbow Coalition himself, Jesse Jackson.  Blah.!  all scum!   ROFL....

Here's a revised ballot.   Would this help next time?

This is not the actual Florida ballot, 
but it may as well have been.
In case you need additional help understanding this whole voting thing, perhaps you can pick-up a copy of this new book.

And here's a cute little program you can run to help you practice voting.
At the File Download dialog, select to "run this program from its current location."

Return to the Florida Debacle page